Posted by: turtlebella | 12 April 2006

In which I complain for being a panty-waist

(normally I would whine on the Phantom's Wednesday whining but I haven't really that much to whine about and what I have to say is on the long side and well, not really that interesting)

The sqvirrel and I just got back from a marathon 10-day trip to Maine (planning wedding), Connecticut (visiting the sqvirrel's new niece, his brother and sister-in-law, new neice's sister, and his parents), New York City (visiting my sister Bird and the two Children of Bird, one of whom is my god-child, and, finally, an old friend of mine and her son), and Washington, DC (for the Nationals' season home opener). And I am EXHAUSTED. And dreading having to get up early tomorrow to get to work. Because I have two work days before I leave for Europe. (in a whiny voice…) But I'm too tired…I want to sleep and cuddle with Bartleby, the Little Soft One, and the Big White! I donna wanna go to work! And of course, because I am a projecter into the future and not a live in the moment kind of girl, my lack of desire to go to work is stressing me out NOW. My shoulders are all tight and my stomach is all funny feeling. Blech.

Why do I hate work so much? It really bugs me. The sqvirrel says that it's because I don't like what I'm doing. And that although I've made steps to change what I do, I made a committment to see this project to completion. So I know that I'm just spinning my wheels, doing the work, but it's not really going to get me anywhere since I'm leaving the field. And because I'm not a patient woman, this agitates me. I want change now. It's a pretty good theory. I still worry though that it's some kind of character flaw. That I am essentially a lazy person who will hate whatever job I have. But that's really a topic for a whole other post.

And then I think about the fact that I'm leaving on Sunday. For two weeks of crazed doing work in Europe, racing all over France and driving to Portugal and back. It's only two weeks, which simultaneously makes me happy and terrified. Happy that I will be back with the sqvirrel and the dogs in a relatively short amount of time. Terrified because I have so much to do in that short amount of time. I'm worried I won't be able to get it all done. Not to mention that I will have limited access to the internet which is tough. I just spent ten days without reading all my favorite blogs and it was a bummer! And I just started writing this blog. Not very good timing.

OK. I should stop complaining and go to bed already.


  1. i hate the phrase “character flaw.” how can the fact that you aren’t enjoying what you do be a flaw? i reject that negativity. i think our search in life is to find that which aligns with and resonates with our authentic selves. i somehow think that when that happens, it will be like finally getting an orchestra of hundreds to be in tune, playing their asses off! it hasn’t happened for me yet, but my challenge is to be ready and open for when it does.

    i know you’ve got a bombastic Mahler symphony just waiting to happen, turtlebella. and it will, my friend.

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